The vision is waning. Dear stranger in the mirror: Your vision is divided and because of that you have slowly lost the passion you need for your #1 calling. You are mesmerized by fools gold. Fools gold and bright lights. You have traded time for extra money. And time is something you will not get back.
You have sought new sons to entertain you, but you had sons all along. Sons cannot grow into men when the Father is absent. Those sons only learn how to keep house – because that is all they were taught. And they grow up overlooked – a feeling that will never leave them. Illegitimate sons – back-door sons – they will have entitlement issues because they were not your first sons.
It is an unbalanced life where values no longer exist. It is no longer a place where the family comes first, where the table is open and where honesty prevails.
This is in the mirror for in the open all still seems normal and intact. And it is sad. Not sad in a way that makes me want to get up and fight. But sad in a way that I need to walk away. I need to find a new path and a new kingdom and castle – in a land where armour-bearer is not a foreign Utopian concept, but an accepted calling and lifestyle. Where I can be a son with vision, destiny and – what is most importantly needed – a father’s covering.
What a sad thing that I have given up on the hard parts God asked me to do. I have however found the strength to lay what He asked me down – my books and memories are packed and the path is beckoning. It is singing a song I knew a long long time ago – a time before I was a son. From a time where my heart beat for itself. And I do not leave as a man, I leave as a boy who knows how to keep house.
Maybe that is what my new season is: Value. Inheritance. Partnership. Community. Winter may be painful but spring, though still far, will come.
Isaiah 62:4-5; Isaiah 54:1-5; Isaiah 56:4-5; 1 Timothy 5:22